Control

What I can control: my thoughts, actions and words.

What I cannot control: if I get sick

Why am I worried about this again? Why must students come in and talk about throwing up? Why must subs say they are in for so-and-so who has the stomach thing? Why must I worry constantly about it? WHY? I was just starting to relax about it and now more students come back and say how sick they were and more teachers are out. Do I have a lot of direct contact? No. Do I wash my hands before eating? Yes. Do I touch my eyes, nose or mouth? No. Did I want to because my eyes were itchy all afternoon? Yes. So why am I worried? I do all I can to prevent getting sick. There’s not too much more I can do aside from locking myself in a plastic bubble. So why worry? I don’t know. For some reason, worrying seems to make me feel better, I guess. No, it really doesn’t. It does not make things better. It does not actually give me control over the situation. It does not. So why worry? I don’t know anymore. I don’t like to worry like this. It seems so silly because rarely do I get sick and worrying does not prevent it or make it any better. I mean I do get a lot of sinus headaches these days. I’m starting to think I have an infection because the number has increased and my jaw keeps hurting. So the hubs wants me to relax and play some mindless games on the Internet in hopes that it helps fix me for tonight. I am hoping the Sims will work on the hubs’ computer so I can play it and live in a little world that is not this world. One where I am not worrying constantly. If anyone has any suggestions as to how to redirect some thoughts that would be greatly appreciated. I’m sick of being like this. The hubs thinks it’s time for a new psychologist because the one I was visiting helps for a momentary time period. Unless I can directly determine what my stressor is. At this point in time, I would guess the impending holiday because holidays always seems to stress me out. There’s something about all that family time that I just struggle to deal with in a normal way. I don’t really know. Or it’s the stress of trying to avoid getting ill just before. Although, getting ill over the holidays would not be the end of the world and I would go on just fine. I would probably have a more low-key holiday. Oh well. I am off to try to find some mindless game to occupy my time for a bit. I am hopeful.

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