Two entries in one day! What a start! I didn’t want to sully my beginning with the thoughts of today. It was a rough day. Well, it started out fine. I managed to get up and off to work with few issues. However, during my free period, I managed to give myself quite an incident of panic. I say incident of panic because it did not hit full panic attack mode, but I will say it was pretty close.
Let’s start with the thought of throwing up is a panic trigger for me. am not sure why this biological reflex causes me so much anxiety, but it does. My doctor has tried to figure out the cause, asking about traumatizing incidents of vomiting, but I have been unable to think of any. In fact, I don’t really remember what it is like to throw up since I haven’t since middle school! *knocks on wood* So to me, it is a mystery. But it is bad. And I teach, so I do come in contact with ill students. In fact, one student came in complaining of feeling sick yesterday and it set this whole thing into motion. Yes, I have felt ill. In fact, I have gone home sick feeling ill in the past, so I know I will live through the incidents, but still they arise panic.
So there I was, just minding my own business when suddenly my stomach hurt so bad. I thought I was hungry since I hadn’t eaten since lunch. However, the panic started to rise. I hid myself in the bathroom hoping the moment will pass, then I tried to eat something, but I had trouble coming down off the panic. It took half way into the last period in order to start to relax. I even cancelled my meeting after school so I could go home. All I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position in my sweats. Instead, I started this in hopes that I will find something out about myself.
So what do I think caused the incident? Well, the thought of people being sick around me down arouse some stress. (See, I was told I should find my stressors in order to figure out what is truly causing the arousal). One problem is the club show next week. I don’t feel as if the students are ready for it. Okay, I know they are not ready for it, but it is coming. And there is nothing I can do, aside from changing the date…again. And I guess there’s the last assignment of my class that, alright, I have finished, but I haven’t submitted it yet. I know I could just log in and send it away, which I am tempted to do, but I wanted the hubs to look it over just in case there are any glaring mistakes. And there is the upcoming holiday. I know, like 24 days away but holidays just stress me out even though when it is the actual time, I am quite calm and cool!
So what changed? Last year, I was quite calm until all the incidents with the allergies and the nasal sprays. I didn’t know nasal sprays increased my anxiety. I am off all those meds and on a simple anti-histamine, which, by the way, is prescribed to help reduce anxiety. I am beginning to think the key is exercise. Last November, I was training for a 5K so I was running quite a bit. After I ran the 5K (a turkey trot and I ran the whole way!!!!) I continued making time for exercise, whether it be walking, running, or yoga. So could it be that with the help of the exercise, I was better able to handle the stress? Starting tomorrow, I am going to be making an attempt at including more exercise in my life. I am hopeful!